"Bagelling" can be fun !

2012-02-08T19:14:00.001-05:00

To Whom Does The Land of Israel Belong?

An Israeli with a sense of humor at UN has set the record straight.

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly and made the world community smile.

A representative from Israel began: 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses: When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath!'

So, Moses removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Palestinian had stolen them!

The Palestinian representative at the UN jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren't even there then.'

The Israeli representative smiled and said, 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech..'.

FW: FIRST JEWISH BROADCAST - 1944 (during WW2 from Nazi Germany)

2011-03-13T12:50:00.001-04:00

This is very touching piece of history to watch

The First Jewish Broadcast 1944
This is an incredible broadcast.
Just put your speakers on and you are in for a very special experience.

Click Here: Israel News - The First Jewish Broadcast On Nazi Soil - 1944 Infolive.Tv

What It Means To Be Jewish

2011-01-14T11:17:00.006-05:00

WHAT IT MEANS TO BE JEWISH......

As a general principle, Jewish holidays are divided between days on which you must starve and days on which you must overeat. Many Jews observe no fewer than 16 fasts throughout the Jewish year, based on the time-honored principle that even if you are sure that you are ritually purified, you definitely aren't. Though there are many feasts and fasts, there are no holidays requiring light snacking. Note: Unlike Christians, who simply attend church on special days (e.g. Ash Wednesday), on Jewish holidays most Jews take the whole day off.
This is because Jews, for historical and personal reasons, are more stressed out.

The Diet Guide to the Jewish Holidays:
Rosh Hashanah ---- Feast
Tzom Gedalia ----- Fast
Yom Kippur ------- More fasting
Sukkot ----------- Feast for a week
Hashanah Rabbah -- More feasting
Simchat Torah ---- Keep right on feasting
Month of Heshvan - No feasts or fasts for a whole month. Oy veh!
Hanukkah --------- Eat potato pancakes and donuts
Tenth of Tevet --- Do not eat potato pancakes
Tu B'Shevat ------ Feast
Fast of Esther --- Fast
Purim ------------ Eat pastry
Passover --------- Do not eat pastry for a week
Shavuot ---------- Dairy feast (cheesecake, blintzes, etc.)
17th of Tammuz --- Fast (definitely no cheesecake or blintzes)
Tish B'Av -------- Serious fast (don't even think about cheesecake or blintzes) Month of Elul ---- End of cycle.
Enroll in Center for Eating Disorders before High Holidays arrive again.

There are many forms of Judaism:
Cardiac Judaism ------ In my heart I am a Jew.
Gastronomic Judaism -- We eat Jewish foods.
Pocketbook Judaism --- I give to Jewish causes.
Drop-off Judaism ----- Drop the kids off at Sunday School; then go out to breakfast.
Twice a Year Judaism - Attend services on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

You know you grew up Jewish when:
-You did not respond to the teacher calling roll on the first day of school because you thought your name was "Princess".
-You've had at least one female relative who drew eyebrows on her face that were always asymmetrical.
-You spent your entire childhood thinking that everyone calls roast beef "brisket." --Your family dog responds to complaints uttered in Yiddish.
-Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your grandparents.
-You've experienced the phenomena of 50 people fitting into a 10-foot-wide dining room hitting each other with plastic plates & forks trying to get to a deli tray.
-You thought pasta was the stuff used exclusively for kugel and kasha with bowties.
-You watched Lawrence Welk and Ed Sullivan every Sunday night.
-You were as tall as your grandmother by age seven.
-You never knew anyone whose last name didn't end in one of 6 standard suffixes (-man,-witz, -berg, -stein, -blatt or -baum).
-You grew up and were surprised to find out that wine doesn't always taste like year-old cranberry sauce.
-You can look at gefilte fish without turning green.
-You grew up thinking there was a fish called lox.
-You can understand some Yiddish but you can't speak it.
-You know how to pronounce numerous Yiddish words and use them correctly in context, yet you don't exactly know what they mean...Is that kenahurra or is that kaninehurra?.
-You have at least one ancestor who is related to your spouse's ancestor.
-You grew up thinking it was normal for someone to shout "Are you okay? Are you okay?" through the bathroom door if you were in there for longer than 3 minutes.
-You have at least six male relatives named Michael or David.
-Your grandparent's furniture smelled like mothballs, was covered in plastic and was as comfortable as sitting on sandpaper.

May you have a day full of mazel and shalom!

Morris was a smart man.....

2010-07-25T09:39:00.001-04:00

Morris Rabinowitz

In 1936, Morris Rabinowitz fled his native Germany. He sold his assets and made five sets of solid gold teeth with his cash, well above the limit he could bring into the U.S.

When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have five sets of gold teeth. So Morris explained: "Jews who keep kosher have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and dairy products, but, I am so religious I also have separate sets of teeth."
The customs official shook his head and said, "Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What about the other three?"

“Very religious Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but, I am so Orthodox have separate teeth for Passover meat and for Passover dairy food...."

The customs official shook his head and said, "You must be a man of very strong faith to have separate teeth for meat and dairy products and likewise for Passover. That accounts for four sets of teeth. What about the fifth set?"

Morris looked around and spoke softly. "To tell you the truth," he said, "once in a while I like a ham sandwich."

Diffence between Jews & Muslims

2010-06-08T15:52:00.001-04:00

Subject: DIFFERENCE BETWEEN JEWS AND MUSLIMS

Now that the whole world is in a frenzy because Israel over reacted to a
deliberate baited provocation by Muslims. It is well that we once again
review the humanitarian accomplishments of the two faiths.

The DIFFERENCE BETWEEN JEWS AND MUSLIMS

The global Islamic population is approximately 1,200,000,000; that is ONE
THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED MILLION or 20% of the world's population.

They have received the following Nobel Prizes:

Literature:
1988 - Najib Mahfooz

Peace:
1978 - Mohamed Anwar El-Sadat
1990 - Elias James Corey
1994 - Yaser Arafat:
1999 - Ahmed Zewai

Economics:
(zero)

Physics:
(zero)

Medicine:
1960 - Peter Brian Medawar
1998 - Ferid Mourad

TOTAL: 7 SEVEN

The global Jewish population is approximately 14,000,000; only FOURTEEN
MILLION or about 0.02% of the world's population.
They have received the following Nobel Prizes:

Literature:
1910 - Paul Heyse
1927 - Henri Bergson
1958 - Boris Pasternak
1966 - Shmuel Yosef Agnon
1966 - Nelly Sachs
1976 - Saul Bellow
1978 - Isaac Bashevis Singer
1981 - Elias Canetti
1987 - Joseph Brodsky
1991 - Nadine Gordimer World

Peace:
1911 - Alfred Fried
1911 - Tobias Michael Carel Asser
1968 - Rene Cassin
1973 - Henry Kissinger
1978 - Menachem Begin
1986 - Elie Wiesel
1994 - Shimon Peres
1994 - Yitzhak Rabin

Physics:
1905 - Adolph Von Baeyer
1906 - Henri Moissan
1907 - Albert Abraham Michelson
1908 - Gabriel Lippmann
1910 - Otto Wallach
1915 - Richard Willstaetter
1918 - Fritz Haber
1921 - Albert Einstein
1922 - Niels Bohr
1925 - James Franck
1925 - Gustav Hertz
1943 - Gustav Stern
1943 - George Charles de Hevesy
1944 - Isidor Issac Rabi
1952 - Felix Bloch
1954 - Max Born
1958 - Igor Tamm
1959 - Emilio Segre
1960 - Donald A. Glaser
1961 - Robert Hofstadter
1961 - Melvin Calvin
1962 - Lev Davidovich Landau
1962 - Max Ferdinand Perutz
1965 - Richard Phillips Feynman
1965 - Julian Schwinger
1969 - Murray Gell-Mann
1971 - Dennis Gabor
1972 - William Howard Stein
1973 - Brian David Josephson
1975 - Ben jamin Mottleson
1976 - Burton Richter
1977 - Ilya Prigogine
1978 - Arno Allan Penzias
1978 - Peter L Kapitza
1979 - Stephen Weinberg
1979 - Sheldon Glashow
1979 - Herbert Charles Brown
1980 - Paul Berg
1980 - Walter Gilbert
1981 - Roald Hoffmann
1982 - Aaron Klug
1985 - Albert A. Hauptman
1985 - Jerome Karle
1986 - Dudley R. Herschbach
1988 - Robert Huber
1988 - Leon Lederman
1988 - Melvin Schwartz
1988 - Jack Steinberger
1989 - Sidney Altman
1990 - Jerome Friedman
1992 - Rudolph Marc us
1995 - Martin Perl
2000 - Alan J. Heeger

Economics:
1970 - Paul Anthony Samuelson
1971 - Si Mon Kuznets
1972 - Kenneth Joseph Arrow
1975 - Leonid Kantorovich
1976 - Milton Friedman
1978 - Herbert A. Si Mon
1980 - Lawrence Robert Klein
1985 - Franco Modigliani
1987 - Robert M. Solow
1990 - Harry Mark owitz
1990 - Merton Miller
1992 - Gary Becker
1993 - Robert Fogel

Medicine:
1908 - Elie Metchnikoff
1908 - Paul Erlich
1914 - Robert Barany
1922 - Otto Meyerhof
1930 - Karl Landsteiner
1931 - Otto Warburg
1936 - Otto Loewi
1944 - Joseph Erlanger
1944 - Herbert Spencer Gasser
1945 - Ernst Boris Chain
1946 - Hermann Joseph Muller
1950 - Tadeus Reichstein
1952 - Selman Abraham Waksman
1953 - Hans Krebs
1953 - Fritz Albert Lipmann
1958 - Joshua Lederberg
1959 - Arthur Kornberg
1964 - Konrad Bloch
1965 - Francois Jacob
1965 - Andre Lwoff
1967 - George Wald
1968 - Marshall W. Nirenberg
1969 - Salvador Luria
1970 - Julius Axelrod
1970 - Si r Bernard Katz
1972 - Gerald Maurice Edelman
1975 - Howard Martin Temin
1976 - Baruch S. Blumberg
1977 - Roselyn Sussman Yalow
1978 - Daniel Nathans
1980 - Baruj Ben acerraf
1984 - Cesar Milstein
1985 - Michael Stuart Brown
1985 - Joseph L. Goldstein
1986 - Stanley Cohen [& Rita Levi-Montalcini]
1988 - Gertrude Elion
1989 - Harold Varmus
1991 - Erwin Neher
1991 - Bert Sakmann
1993 - Richard J. Roberts
1993 - Phillip Sharp
1994 - Alfred Gilman
1995 - Edward B. Lewis
1996- Lu Rose Iacovino
TOTAL: 129!

The Jews are NOT brain washing children in military training camps,
teaching them how to blow themselves up and causing maximum deaths of Jews
and other non Muslims! The Jews don't hijack planes, nor kill athletes at
the Olympics, or blow themselves up in German restaurants.
There is NOT one single Jew that has destroyed a church. There is NOT a
single Jew that protests by killing people.

The Jews don't traffic slaves, nor have leaders calling for death to all the
Infidels.

Perhaps the world's Muslims should consider investing more in standard
education and less in blaming the Jews for all their problems.

Muslims must ask 'what can they do for humankind' before they demand that
humankind respects them!!

Regardless of your feelings about the crisis between Israel and their Arab
neighbors, even if you believe there is more blame on Israel 's part, the
following two sentences really say it all:

'If the Arabs put down their weapons today, there would be no more violence.
If the Jews put down their weapons today, there would be no more
Israel '. Benjamin Netanyahu

General Eisenhower Warned Us
It is a matter of history that when the Supreme Commander of the Allied
Forces, General Dwight Eisenhower, found the victims of the death camps he
ordered all possible photographs to be taken, and for the German people from
surrounding villages to be ushered through the camps and even made to bury
the dead.

He did this because he said in words to this effect:

'Get it all on record now - get the films - get the witnesses -because
somewhere down the road of history some bastard will get up and say that
this never happened'

Recently, the UK debated whether to remove The Holocaust from its school
curriculum because it 'offends' the Muslim population which claims it never
occurred. However, this is a frightening portent of the fear that is
gripping the world and how easily each country is giving into it.

It is now more than 60 years after the Second World War in Europe ended.
This e-mail is being sent as a memorial chain, in memory of the, 6 million
Jews, 20 million Russians, 10 million Christians, and 1,900 Catholic priests
who were 'murdered, raped, burned, starved, beat, experimented on and
humiliated' while the German people looked the other way!

Now, more than ever, with Iran , among others, claiming the Holocaust to be
'a myth,' it is imperative to make sure the world never forgets.

How many years will it be before the attack on the World Trade Center 'NEVER
HAPPENED' because it offends some Muslim in the United States ?

Perceptions of Jews by Some Renowned Gentiles

2010-05-24T16:48:00.004-04:00

Perceptions of Jews by Some Renowned Gentiles

#1"Some people like the Jews, and some do not. But no thoughtful man candeny the fact that they are, beyond any question, the most formidableand the most remarkable race which has appeared in the world."-- Winston Churchill

#2"The Jew is that sacred being who has brought down from heaven theeverlasting fire, and has illumined with it the entire world. He is thereligious source, spring, and fountain out of which all the rest of thepeoples have drawn their beliefs and their religions."-- Leo Tolstoy

#3"It was in vain that we locked them up for several hundred years behindthe walls of the Ghetto. No sooner were their prison gates unbarred thanthey easily caught up with us, even on those paths which we opened up without their aid."-- A. A. Leroy Beaulieu, French publicist, 1842

#4"The Jew gave us the Outside and the Inside - our outlook and our inner life. We can hardly get up in the morning or cross the street without being Jewish. We dream Jewish dreams and hope Jewish hopes. Most of our best words, in fact - new, adventure, surprise, unique, individual, person, vocation, time, history, future, freedom, progress, spirit, faith, hope, justice - are the gifts of the Jews."-- Thomas Cahill, Irish Author

#5"One of the gifts of the Jewish culture to Christianity is that it has taught Christians to think like Jews, and any modern man who has not learned to think as though he were a Jew can hardly be said to have learned to think at all."-- William Rees-Mogg, former Editor-in-Chief for The Times of London and a member of the House of Lords

#6"It is certain that in certain parts of the world we can see a peculiar people, separated from the other peoples of the world and this is called the Jewish people.....This people is not only of remarkable antiquity but has also lasted for a singular long time... For whereas the people of Greece and Italy, of Sparta, Athens and Rome and others who came so much later have perished so long ago, these still exist, despite the efforts of so many powerful kings who have tried a hundred times to wipe them out, as their historians testify, and as can easily be judged by the natural order of things over such a long spell of years. They have always been preserved, however, and their preservation was foretold... My encounter with this people amazes me..."-- Blaise Pascal, French Mathematics

#7"The Jewish vision became the prototype for many similar grand designs for humanity, both divine and man made The Jews, herefore, stand at the center of the perennial attempt to give human life the dignity of a purpose."--Paul Johnson, American Historian

#8"As long as the world lasts, all who want to make progress in righteousness will come to Israel for inspiration as to the people who had the sense for righteousness most glowing and strongest."--Matthew Arnold, British poet and critic

#9"Indeed it is difficult for all other nations of the world to live in the presence of the Jews. It is irritating and most uncomfortable. The Jews embarrass the world as they have done things which are beyond the imaginable. They have become moral strangers since the day theirforefather, Abraham, introduced the world to high ethical standards and to the fear of Heaven. They brought the world the Ten Commandments, which many nations prefer to defy. They violated the rules of history by staying alive, totally at odds with common sense and historicalevidence. They outlived all their former enemies, including vast empires such as the Romans and the Greeks. They angered the world with their return to their homeland after 2000 years of exile and after the murder of six million of their brothers and sisters.They aggravated mankind by building, in the wink of an eye, a democratic State which others were not able to create in even hundreds of years They built living monuments such as the duty to be holy and the privilege to serve one's fellow men.They had their hands in every human progressive endeavor, whether in science, medicine, psychology or any other discipline, while totally out of proportion to their actual numbers. They gave the world the Bible and even their "savior."Jews taught the world not to accept the world as it is, but to transform it, yet only a few nations wanted to listen. Moreover, the Jews introduced the world to one God, yet only a minority wanted to draw the moral consequences. So the nations of the world realize thatthey would have been lost without the Jews.. And while their subconscious trie s to remind them of how much of Western civilizations framed in terms of concepts first articulated by the Jews, they do nything to suppress it.They deny that Jews remind them of a higher purpose of life and the need to be honorable, and do anything to escape its consequences It is simply too much to handle for them, too embarrassing to admit, and above all, too difficult to live by.So the nations of the world decided once again to go out of 'their' way in order to find a stick to hit the Jews. The goal: to prove that Jews are as immoral and guilty of massacre and genocide as some of they themselves are.All this in order to hide and justify their own failure to even protest when six million Jews were brought to the slaughterhouses of Auschwitz and Dachau; so as to wipe out the moral conscience of which the Jews remind them, and they found a stick.Nothing could be more gratifying for them than to find the Jews in a struggle with another people (who are completely terrorized by their own leaders) against whom the Jews, against their best wishes, have to defend themselves in order to survive. With great satisfaction, theworld allows and initiates the rewriting of history so as to fuel the rage of yet another people against the Jews. This in spite of the fact that the nations understand very well that peace between the parties could have come a long time ago, if only the Jews would have had a fairchance. Instead, they happily jumped on the wagon of hate so as to justify their jealousy of the Jews and their incompetence to deal with their own moral issues.When Jews look at the bizarre play taking place in The Hague , they can only smile as this artificial game once more proves how the world paradoxically admits the Jews uniqueness.
It is in their need to undermine the Jews that they actually raise them.The study of history of Europe during the past centuries teaches us one uniform lesson: That the nations which received and in any way dealt fairly and mercifully with the Jew have prospered; and that the nations that have tortured and oppressed them have written out their own curse."--Olive Schreiner, South African novelist and social activist

#10"If there is any honor in all the world that I should like, it would be to be an honorary Jewish citizen."--A.L Rowse, authority on Shakespeare

The Jewish Zodiac

2010-05-03T12:18:00.003-04:00

CHICKEN SOUP 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003 You're a healer, nourishing all whom you encounter. We feel better just being in your presence. Mothers want to bring you home to meet their children: resist this at all costs. Compatible with Bagel and Knish.

EGG CREAM 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004 You've got a devious personality since you're made with neither eggs nor cream. Friends find your pranks refreshing; others think you’re too frothy. Compatible with Blintz, who also has something to hide.

CHOPPED LIVER 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969,1981, 1993, 2005 People either love you or hate you, making you wonder "what am I, chopped liver?" But don’t get a complex, you're always welcome at the holidays! Bagel's got your backside.

BLINTZ 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006 Creamy and dreamy, you're rightfully cautious to travel in pairs. You play it coy but word is with the right topping you turnover morning, noon and night. Compatible with Schmear.

LATKE 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007 Working class with a grating exterior, you’re a real softie on the inside. Kinda plain naked but when dressed up you’re a real dish. Compatible with Schmear’s cousin Sour Cream.

BAGEL1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996, 2008 You’re pliable and always bounce back, although you feel something's missing in your center. If this persists, get some therapy. Compatible with Schmear and Lox. Latke and Knish, not so much.

PICKLE 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997, 2009 You’re the perfect sidekick: friends love your salty wit and snappy banter but you never overshadow them. That shows genuine seasoning from when you were a cucumber. Marry a Pastrami later in life.

SCHMEAR 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998, 2010 You blend well with others but often spread yourself too thin. A smooth operator, you could use some spicing up now and then. Compatible with Bagel and Lox. Avoid Pastrami - wouldn't be kosher.

PASTRAMI 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011 Brisket's hipper sibling, always smokin' and ready to party. You spice up life even if you keep your parents up at night. Compatible with Pickle, who's always by your side.

BLACK AND WHITE 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012 Kids love you but make up your mind! Are you black or white? Cake or cookie? You say you’re "New Age," all yin & yang. We call it "bi-polar." Sweetie, you're most compatible with yourself.

KNISH 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001, 2013 Flaky on the surface, you're actually a person of depth and substance. Consider Medical or Law School but don't get too wrapped up in yourself. Compatible with Pickle. Avoid Lox, who's out of your league.

LOX 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002, 2014 Thin and rich, you're very high maintenance: all you want to do is bask in the heat getting some color. Consider retiring to Boca. Compatible with Bagel and Schmear although you top them both.

Being Jewish?

2010-05-01T08:47:00.005-04:00

Being Jewish ?
Q: What is a Jewish ménage-a-troisA: Two headaches and an erection.

Q: Why did Adam and Eve have a perfect marriage?A: He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked

Q: What business is a yenta in?A: Yours.

Q: How do Jewish wives get their children ready for supper?A: They put them in the car.

Q: What is the technical term for a divorced Jewish woman?A: Plaintiff

Q: What does a Jewish woman do to keep her hands soft and her nails long?A: Nothing at all

Q: Define "genius"A: An average student with a Jewish mother

Q: If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be?A: A fur coat

Q: What do you call the nipple on a Jewish wife's breast?A: The tip of the iceberg

Q: What mechanical device causes the most arousal in a Jewish woman? A: A Mercedes 550SL convertible

Jewish proverb: "A Jewish wife will forgive and forget, but she'll never forget what she forgave."

One of life's mysteries - how a 2 Ib. box of chocolates can make a Jewish woman gain 5 lbs.
Another of life's mysteries is when a Jewish woman hangs something in her wardrobe for a while and it shrinks two sizes!

The trouble with some Jewish women is that they get all excited about nothing; then they marry him.

A Bar Mitzvah is defined as the day when a Jewish boy comes to realize that he is more likely to own a professional sports team than he is to play for one.

The Jewish Buddha

2010-03-24T19:53:00.002-04:00

Sayings of the Jewish Buddha

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?

Drink tea and nourish life; with the first sip, joy; with the second sip, satisfaction; with the third sip, peace; with the fourth, a Danish.

Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health, or a life without problems. What would you talk about?

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Oy.

There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?

Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.

The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao is not Jewish.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.

Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as a wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.

Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.

Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.

The Torah says, Love your neighbor as yourself. The Buddha says, There is no self. So ... maybe we're off the hook?

Chutzpah

2009-12-13T12:15:00.004-05:00

Chutzpah is a Yiddish word meaning gall, brazen nerve, effrontery, sheer guts plus arrogance; it’s Yiddish and, as Leo Rosten writes, “no other
word, and no other language,” can do it justice. This example is better than 1,000 words . . .

THE ESSENCE OF CHUTZPAH A A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time, and as he passed the pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but never take a pretzel.

And this went on for more then 3 years. The two of them never spoke. One day, as the young man passed the old lady's stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel lady spoke to him.

"Sir, thank you for your business. You are a good customer, but I have to tell you that the pretzel price has gone up to 35 cents."

Twas the Night Before Chanukah...

2009-12-10T10:06:00.003-05:00

'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHANUKAH...

OY! WHAT A SHOCK!SOMEBODY OUTSIDE WAS PICKING OUR LOCK!

AND THERE AT THE DOOR STOOD A 'ZAYDA'(a grandpa) IN BLUE-
AND HE WORE ON HIS KOPP (head) A BLUE YARMULKA, TOO!

HIS PUNIM (face) WAS SHAIN (pretty) - EVERYBODY WOULD LOVE IT!
'ROUND HIS NECK HUNG A CHAIN WITH A GOLD MOGEN DOVID! (Star of David)

HE WORE SILKEN TSITZES (fringed shawl) BENEATH HIS WOOL VEST,
AND A SMALL FLAG OF ISRAEL WAS DRAPED ON HIS CHEST!

HE SAID: "I'M NO BURGLAR,SO PLEASE DON'T BE NERVOUS.
I'M THE SPIRIT OF CHANUKAH, HERE AT OUR SERVICE!"

"MENCHEN ( people) ALL CALL ME 'REB' SHALOM SHAPIRO!
WITHOUT ME, THIS YOM-TOV (holiday) MIGHT NEED A NEW 'HERO!'"

"I VISIT ALL YIDLACH, (Jews) AND BRING - KINE AYIN HORE (no evil eye)-
GOOD FORTUNE AS BRIGHT AS A GLOWING MENORAH!"

"ICH SHLEPP LOTS OF BLESSINGS AND CHANUKAH GELT (coins),
AND JOYS THAT ARE TAKKE (really)THE BEST IN DER VELT!"(in the world)

"IF YOU KNOW NICE MENCHEN (people), I'LL VISIT THEM QUICK,
AND I'LL BRING THEM GEZUNT (health) AND A HOUSEFUL OF GLICK! "(luck)

SO WE SENT HIM TO YOUR HOUSE,AND SHOOK HANDS AND PARTED.
HE SHOUTED, "SHALOM!" OUT THE DOORWAY HE DARTED!

HE RAN TO A WAGON WITH HORSES AHEAD. HE FED THEM SOME BAGELS,
AND HERE'S WHAT HE SAID:

"LET'S GO, MOISH AND MENDEL! MAKE QUICK, MOE AND YUSSLE!
PLEASE GIVE A RUSH, MALKAH! HEY, HYMIE, PLEASE HUSTLE!"

THEN THEY RACED LIKE THE WIND!AND THEY GALLOPED SO SHNELL, (quickly)
ALL HIS CLOTHING BLEW OFF, AND HIS GATKES AS WELL! (underwear)

SOON HE WAS SO KALT (cold) THAT HIS TUSHIE TURNED BLUISH!
HE MOANED AND HE HOLLERED IN ENGLISH AND JEWISH!

SO, DON'T ACT EMBARRASSED,AND PLEASE DON'T BE RUDE
WHEN THAT FROSTBITTEN ZAYDA ARRIVES IN THE NUDE!

QUICK! WRAP HIM IN BLANKETS! DON'T BEAT 'ROUND THE BUSH'!
AND TIE A HOT WATER BAG ON HIS COLD TUSH!

QUICK! FEED HIM SOME CHICKEN SOUP HEISS (hot) AS CAN BE!
AND GIVE HIM SOME SHNAPPS (liquor) AND A GLEZ'L (glass) HOT TEA!

'CAUSE HE BRINGS YOU A HOUSEFUL OF CHANUKAH WISHES
AS WARM AND GESHMUCK (tasty)AS PLATE OF HOT KNISHES!

AND HE BRINGS THEM FROM OUR HOUSE SO FRIENDLY AND BRIGHT,
SO YOUR HOUSE WILL KEEP GLOWING WITH CHANUKAH LIGHT.

PLUS JOY SWEET AS TSUKKER (sugar), AND PEACE AND GOOD-CHEER
AND EVERYTHING FRAYLACH EACH DAY OF THE YEAR!

AND NONE IN YOUR FAMILY WILL BE A SHLEMAZEL,
FOR LIFE WILL BRING EACH OF YOU SIMCHAS AND MAZEL (Good luck)!

AND ALL THROUGH THE FUTURE YOUR HOPES WILL COME TRUE,
AND HIMMEL (G-d in heaven) WILL BLESS YOUR MISHPOCHA (family) AND YOU!!!

New Jewish Words

2009-11-16T11:39:00.007-05:00

Jewbilation (n..) Pride in finding out that one's favorite celebrity is Jewish or that your offspring is marrying a Jewish person.

Torahfied (n.) Inability to remember one's lines when called to read from the Torah at one's Bar or Bat Mitzvah. (OR from the Hagadah at Passover)

Matzilation (v.) Smashing a piece of matzo to bits while trying to butter it.

Bubbegum (n.) Candy one's mother gives to her grandchildren that she never gave to her own children.

Chutzpapa (n.) A father who wakes his wife at 4:00 a.m. so she can change the baby's diaper.

Deja Nu( n.) Having the feeling you've seen the same exasperated look on your mother's face, but not knowing exactly when.

Disoriyenta(n.) When Aunt Linda gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.

Hebort(v.) To forget all the Hebrew one ever learned immediately after one's Bar or Bat Mitzvah.

Jewdo(n.) A traditional form of self-defense based on talking one's way out of a tight spot.

Mamatzah Balls (n.) Matzo balls that are as good as your mother used to make..

Meinstein- slang. "My son, the genius!"

Mishpochadots (n.) The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on one's face and collar after kissing all one's aunts and cousins at a reception.

Re-shtetlement(n.) Moving from Brooklyn to Miami and finding all your old neighbors live in the same condo building as you.

Rosh Hashana-na-na( n.) A rock 'n roll band from Jewish Brooklyn .

Yidentify (v.) To be able to determine Jewish origins of celebrities, even though their names might be St. John , Curtis, Davis or Taylor.

Minyastics (n.) Going t o incredible lengths and troubles to find a tenth person to complete a Minyan.

Feelawful (n.) Indigestion from eating Israeli street food, especially falafel.

Dis-kvellified (v.) To drop out of law school, med. school or business school as seen through the eyes of parents, grandparents and Uncle Sid. In extreme cases, simply choosing to major in art history when Irv's son David is majoring in biology is sufficient grounds for diskvellification.

Impasta ( n.) A Jew who starts eating leavened foods before the end of Passover.

Kinders Shlep(v.) To transport other kids besides yours in your car.

Schmuckluck (n.) Finding out one's wife became pregnant after one had a vasectomy.

Shofarsogut(n.) The relief you feel when, after many attempts, the shofar is finally blown at the end of Yom Kippur.

Feel free to add some "new Jewish words" of your own in the comment section :)

If you want, you can go to : http://www.Names2u.com & put your "new Jewish words" on gifts for your family & friends ie: coasters, keyrings, mugs, mousepads, etc. Check out the site & we will help you make the most original gifts.

2009-11-02T18:54:00.004-05:00

Subject: Gov of Hawaii
I was not aware the governor of Hawaii was a woman and Jewish, were you?

She makes time for her scheduler, her cabinet and her closest advisers, of
course. but every Monday morning, Gov. Linda Lingle sits down to a meeting
unlike any other during the week.

It's with her rabbi.

Lingle's gubernatorial victory last November made her a pioneer in many
ways.

She is the first Republican to govern Hawaii in 40 years and the first
woman ever.

And she's the first Jewish governor there and only the second female
Jewish governor in U.S. history.

Lingle is hesitant to be labeled only by her religion, but she is quick to
say her faith helps define her. Judaism is a facet of Lingle's
identity
that she says shapes her leadership perhaps more than being a woman or a
Republican.
"Anyone who was raised in a Jewish family, I think, would feel the same
way," Lingle said.

Lingle's religion was never an issue during her campaign, and it seldom
garners any attention now.

At her inauguration, a rabbi gave an invocation, but so did a number of
Christian leaders.

Lingle attended a public menorah-lighting during Hanukkah and last April
took part in a Passover Seder at the governor's mansion.

On Fridays, a rabbi arrives at Lingle's office with fresh-baked challah
bread for Shabbat.

And in the entryway to the governor's home, a mezuzah has been affixed in
the doorway.
"She handles it the way Linda Lingle handles most things," said Neil
Milner, a political science professor at the University of Hawaii . "She
doesn't make a big thing out of it, she doesn't wear it on her
sleeve."

It's a similar public approach to that of the nation's only other sitting
Jewish governor - Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell.

Fewer than 20 Jews have been elected their state's chief executive since
David Emanuel won Georgia 's race in 1801.
Some, like Idaho 's Moses Alexander who helped establish Idaho 's first
synagogue after taking office in 1915, have particularly bolstered their
faith's community.

Lingle has no similar goal for Hawaii 's Jews - who make up fewer than 1
percent of the state's residents.

She said raising the profile of her faith is "not something conscious that
I'd like to set out to do."

Lingle grew up in St. Louis , where she attended services and Sunday
school,
saving her dimes to plant trees in Israel .

Her family later moved to California , and after college, Lingle moved to
Hawaii
She eventually became a councilwoman, then mayor in Maui
County

She narrowly lost a gubernatorial bid in 1998, but when she ran again four
years later, backed by the bigges
t campaign fund in state history, Lingle
emerged a winner.

Her victory ended four decades of virtual one-party rule in Hawaii by the
Democrats, who were plagued by a slow economy, declining state tax
revenue,
weakened union political clout and a string of corruption scandals.

Lingle promised to improve public education and to restore trust in
government.
And while she probably could have won without the extra help, she also
gained the backing of the American Israel Public Affairs Committee as well
as Jews in California , New York and Florida .

Even the Jerusalem Post featured her in a story.

"I think she sets the example for so many groups that are
underrepresented," said Laura Stein, a lawyer who supported Lingle's
candidacy.

"She's like three for one."
Lingle's moderate political stance helps in
her
appeal to a group that typically votes Democratic.
She supports abortion rights and opposes capital punishment.

But even Jews who find themselves at odds with the governor's political
views say they take some pride in Lingle's rise.

"It demonstrates that Hawaii will continue its tradition of tolerance and
inclusiveness," said Democratic state Rep. Brian Schatz. "For that, I
think we all were proud."

Irving, the amazing Jewish dog

2009-09-23T12:32:00.005-04:00

Morty visits Dr. Saul, the veterinarian, and says, "My dog has a problem.

"Dr. Saul says, "So, tell me about the dog and the problem."

"It's a Jewish dog. His name is Irving and he can talk," says Morty."He can talk?" the doubting doctor asks.

"Watch this!"

Morty points to the dog and commands: " Irving , Fetch!"Irving , the dog, begins to walk toward the door, then turns around and says, "So why are you talking to me like that? You always order me around like I'm nothing. And you only call me when you want something. And then you make me sleep on the floor, with my arthritis. You give me this fahkahkta food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me it's a special diet. It tastes like dreck! YOU should eat it yourself! And do you ever take me for a decent walk? NO, it's out of the house , a short pish, and right back home. Maybe if I could stretch out a little, the sciatica wouldn't kill me so much! I should roll over and play dead for real for all you care!"

Dr. Saul is amazed, "This is remarkable! So, what's the problem?"

Morty says, "He has a hearing problem! I said 'Fetch,' not 'Kvetch."

L'Shana Tova-Happy Healthy New Year to all

2009-09-14T12:32:00.004-04:00

"May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your psychiatrist, your optometrist, your cardiologist, your gastroenterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your gynecologist, your podiatrist, your plumber and the IRS.

May your hair, your teeth, your facelift, your abs, your honey cakes, and your stocks not fall and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count, your weight and your mortgage interest rates not rise.

May you find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere in the rush hour in less than an hour and when you get there, may you find a parking space.

May what we see in the mirror delight us and what others see in us, delight them.

May someone, as well as G-d, love us enough to forgive our faults, be blind to our blemishes and tell the world about our virtues.

May the telemarketers wait until after we finish dinner to call us.

May our checkbooks and budgets balance and may they include generous amounts for charity.

May we remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to our spouse, our children grandchildren, our parents, all of our significant others

And may the Messiah come this year, and if he/she does not, may we live as if he/she has, in a world at peace, with awareness of G-d's love in every sunset, flower, baby's smile, lover's kiss, and every wonderful astonishing beat of our heart.

May we smile and laugh often throughout the year.

L'Shana Tova."

Grand Re-Opening-In our lifetime!

2009-07-27T09:08:00.003-04:00

Grand Reopening. ...
Did you think you would ever see this in your lifetime ?

Germany's biggest synagogue, on Rykestrasse in Berlin, has reopened after a lavish restoration.

The synagogue was set ablaze on Kristallnacht,or the Night of Broken Glass, in 1938. ''Friday's inauguration saw rabbis bringing the Torah to the synagogue, in a ceremony witnessed by political leaders & Holocaust survivors from around the world.

The synagogue, with a 1,200-person capacity, has been described as one of the jewels of Germany's Jewish community. Rabbi Chaim Roswaski, who presided at the ceremony, described the reconstruction as 'a miracle.'

Restoration of the neo-classical building,which is more than 100 years old, cost more than 45m eros, ($60m).

The reopening comes at the start of a Jewish Culture Festival in the capital.

Did you ever think you would see this in your lifetime?

As always, we welcome your comments & additions. Be Proud to be a Jew!!!

The Blue Pigeon

2009-06-07T17:45:00.005-04:00

The mayor of Haifa was very worried about a plague of pigeons in Haifa. He could not remove the pigeons from the city. All of Haifa was full of pigeon poop; the people of Haifa could not walk on the sidewalks or drive on the roads. It was costing a fortune to keep the streets and sidewalks clean.

One day a man came to City Hall and offered the Mayor a proposition. "I can rid your beautiful city of its plague of pigeons without any cost to the city. But you must promise not to ask me any questions. Or, you can pay me $1 million to ask one question." The mayor considered the offer briefly, and accepted the free proposition.

The next day the man climbed to the top of City Hall, opened his coat and released a blue pigeon. The blue pigeon circled in the air and flew up into the bright blue sky. All the pigeons in Haifa saw the blue pigeon and gathered up in the air behind the blue pigeon. The Haifa pigeons followed the blue pigeon as she flew southward out of the city. The next day the blue pigeon returned completely alone to the man atop City Hall.The Mayor was very impressed. He felt the man and the blue pigeon had performed a wonderful and miraculous service to rid Haifa of the plague of pigeons. Even though the man with the pigeon had charged nothing, the mayor presented him with a check for $1 million and told the man that,indeed, he did have a question to ask, and even though they had agreed to no fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided to pay the $1 million just to get to ask ONE question.

The man accepted the money and told the mayor to ask his ONE question.
Do you think the Mayor is going to ask how the blue pigeon led all the pigeons away?Do you think the Mayor is going to ask where all the pigeons went?
Do you think he is going to ask where the man got the blue pigeon?Nooooooo!
The mayor asked:

"Do you have a blue Arab?"

It's Our Land... by Benjamin Netanyahu

2009-06-05T20:33:00.003-04:00

It's our land...By: Benjamin Netanyahu

Benjamin Netanyahu gave an interview and was asked about Israel 's occupation of Arab lands.
His response was "It's our land."

The reporter (CNN or the like) was stunned - read below "It's our land..." It's important information since we don't get fair and accurate reporting from the media and facts tend to get lost in the jumble of daily events.

"Crash Course on the Arab Israeli Conflict."
Here are overlooked facts in the current Middle East situation.

These were compiled by a Christian university professor:
BRIEF FACTS ON THE ISRAELI CONFLICT TODAY.... ( It takes just 1.5 minutes to read!!!! )
It makes sense and it's not slanted. Jew and non-Jew -- it doesn't matter.
1. Nationhood and Jerusalem . Israel became a nation in 1312 BCE, Two thousand years before the rise of Islam.
2. Arab refugees in Israel began identifying themselves as part of a Palestinian people in 1967, two decades after the establishment of the modern State of Israel .
3. Since the Jewish conquest in 1272 BCE, the Jews have had dominion over the land for one thousand years with a continuous presence in the land for the past 3,300 years.
4. The only Arab dominion since the conquest in 635 CE lasted no more than 22 years.
5. For over 3,300 years, Jerusalem has been the Jew ish capital Jerusalem has never been the capital of any Arab or Muslim entity. Even when the Jordanians occupied Jerusalem , they never sought to make it their capital, and Arab leaders did not come to visit.
6. Jerusalem is mentioned over 700 times in Tanach, the Jewish Holy Scriptures. Jerusalem is not mentioned once in the Koran.
7. King David founded the city of Jerusalem . Mohammed never came to Jerusalem .
8. Jews pray facing Jerusalem . Muslims pray with their backs toward Jerusalem .
9. Arab and Jewish Refugees: in 1948 the Arab refugees were encouraged to leave Israel by Arab leaders promising to purge the land of Jews . Sixty-eight percent left without ever seeing an Israeli soldier.
10 The Jewish refugees were forced to flee from Arab lands due to Arab brutality, persecution and pogroms.
11. The number of Arab refugees who left Israel in 1948 is estimated to be around 630,000. The number of Jewish refugees from Arab lands is estimated to be the same.
12. Arab refugees were INTENTIONALLY not absorbed or integrated into the Arab lands to which they fled, despite the vast Arab territory. Out of the 100,000,000 refugees since World War II, theirs is the only refugee group in the world that has never been absorbed or integrated into their own people's lands. Jewish refugees were completely absorbed into Israel , a country no larger than the state of New Jersey .
13. The Arab-Israeli Conflict: the Arabs are represented by eight separate nations, not including the Palestinians. There is only one Jewish nation. The Arab nations initiated all five wars and lost. Israel defended itself each time and won.
14. The PLO's Charter still calls for the destruction of the State of Israel . Israel has given the Palestinians most of the West Bank land, autonomy under the Palestinian Authority, and has supplied them.
15. Under Jordanian rule, Jewish holy sites were desecrated and the Jews were denied access to places of worship. Under Israeli rule, all Muslim and Christian sites have been preserved and made accessible to people of all faiths.
16. The UN Record on Israel and the Arabs: of the 175 Security Council resolutions passed before 1990, 97 were directed against Israel .
17. Of the 690 General Assembly reso lutions voted on before 1990, 429 were directed against Israel .
18. The UN was silent while 58 Jerusalem Synagogues were destroyed by the Jordanians.
19. The UN was silent while the Jordanians systematically desecrated the ancient Jewish cemetery on the Mount of Olives.
20. The UN was silent while the Jordanians enforced an apartheid-like a policy of preventing Jews from visiting the Temple Mount and the Western Wall.

These are incredible times. We have to ask what our role should be. What will we tell our grandchildren about we did when there was a turning point in Jewish destiny, an opportunity to make a difference?

I am a Jew

2009-05-07T20:36:00.003-04:00

Our condition, in Israel , has never been better than it is now! Only the television and the media make people think that the end of the world is near..

Only 65 years ago, Jews were brought to death like sheep to slaughter. NO country, NO army Only 60 years ago, seven Arab countries declared war on little Israel , the Jewish State, just a few hours after it was established. We were 650,000 Jews against the rest of the Arab world. No IDF (Israeli Defense Forces) or Air Force. We were only a small group of stubborn people with nowhere to go. Remember: Lebanon , Syria , Iraq , Jordan , Egypt , Libya , and Saudi Arabia, they all attacked at once The state that the United Nations "gave" us was 65% desert We started it from zero.

Only 41 years ago, we fought three of the strongest countries in the Middle East , and we crushed them in the Six Day War. Over the years we fought different coalitions of Arab countries with modern armies and with huge amounts of Russian-Soviet ammunition, and we still won. Today we have a beautiful country, a powerful Army, a strong Air Force, an adequate Navy and a thriving high tech industry. Intel, Microsoft, and IBM have all developed their businesses here. Our doctors have won important prizes in the medical development field. We turned the desert into a prosperous land. We sell oranges, flowers, and vegetables around the world. We launched our own satellite! Three satellites at once! We are in good company; together with the USA (280 million residents), Russia (220 million residents), China (1.3 billion residents) and Europe ( France , England and Germany 35 million residents), we are one of the only countries in the world that have launched something into space! Israel today is among the few powerful countries that have nuclear technology & capabilities. ( We will never admit it, but everyone knows.)

To think that only 65 years ago we were disgraced and hopeless. We crawled out from the burning crematoriums of Europe . We won in all our wars. With a little bit of nothing we built an empire. Who are Khaled Mashal (leader of Hamas) or Hassan Nasrallah (leader of Hezbollah) trying to frighten us? They are amusing us.

As we celebrate Independence Day, let's not forget what this holy day is all about; we overcame everything.. We overcame the Greeks, We overcame the Romans, We overcame the Spanish Inquisition, We overcame the Russians pogrom, We overcame Hitler, we overcame Germany and overcame the Holocaust, We overcame the armies of seven countries.

Relax chevray (friends), we will overcome our current enemies. Never mind where you look in human history. Think about it, the Jewish nation, our condition has never been better than now. So let's lift our heads up and remember: Never mind which country or culture tries to harm us or erase us from the world. We will still exist and persevere. Egypt ? Anyone know where the Egyptian empire disappeared to? The Greeks? Alexander Macedon? The Romans? Is anyone speaking Latin today? The Third Reich? Did anyone hear news from them lately? And look at us, the Bible nation – from slavery in Egypt , we are still here, still speaking the same language. Exactly here, exactly now. Maybe The Arabs don't know it yet, but we are an eternal nation. All the time that we will keep our identity, we will stay eternal. So, sorry that we are not worrying, complaining, crying, or fearing…

Business here is beseder (fine). It can definitely be much better, but it is still fine. Don't pay attention to the nonsense in the media, they will not tell you about our festivals here in Israel or about the people that continue living, going out, meeting friends. Yes, sometimes morale is down, so what? This is only because we are mourning the dead while they are celebrating spilled blood. And this is the reason we will win after all. You are all part of our force to keep our existence. May this help us lift our heads up and be proud to say: I AM A JEW .

Kirk Douglas-aka Issur Danielovitch

2009-05-03T23:12:00.003-04:00

Los Angeles - Over the course of an illustrious Hollywood career spanning more than five decades, Kirk Douglas has played many parts: Vincent Van Gogh, Spartacus and boxer Midge Kelly, to name just a formidable few. But the one character he has never played - to his deep regret, he now says - was that of Issur Danielovitch, his own former self.

Douglas revealed this, and much more, when he opened his Beverly Hills, Calif., home to the Forward for a wide-ranging chat in advance of his newly released memoir, "Let's Face It: 90 Years of Living, Loving, and Learning" (John Wiley & Sons). Wearing a pale-green cotton sweater, khaki pants and tan canvas Vans, the cleft-chinned former Adonis of the silver screen chatted with us about the importance of living a good life, how to sustain a marriage. But Douglas reserved his most ardent feelings for a topic that has become close to his heart: the renewed state of his Jewish identity. " Now" he writes in his book, "I feel guilty for abandoning Issur Danielovitch.."

It was clear from Douglas 's desire to share his reflections on life - both in person, with a reporter, and on the printed page - that he is painfully aware he is nearing his end.. The book, in fact, reads like a self-conscious swan song: a final burst of thoughts and opinions on everything from Jimmy Carter's recent tome on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, to the tragic death of Douglas 's son Eric, three years ago, from a drug overdose. But the book also showcases the vitality and verve still fueling the man who helped break the Hollywood blacklist when he hired Dalton Trumbo to pen the film "Spartacus": It is sprinkled with a hefty smattering of salacious anecdotes from Douglas's salad days as a young Hollywood buck - the days when he was known to most women under 30 as someone other than Michael Douglas's father.

With slightly slurred speech - the result of a stroke he suffered in 1996 - Douglas waxed poetic about more serious topics, as well, including his own history.. The child of Russian immigrant parents, he grew up in a Yiddish-speaking home in Amsterdam, N.Y., a small upstate town, where he endured daily run-ins with a street gang who pelted him with pebbles wrapped in women's stockings, and called him such names as "Jew bastard" as he walked home from Hebrew school. He was also a promising student of the Torah who had to beat back his community's efforts to ship him off to yeshiva.

Douglas first rediscovered Judaism after being in a helicopter crash in 1991. He reconnected with his roots, and had a second bar mitzvah at the age of 83. Now he studies weekly with Rabbi David Wolpe, a Conservative rabbi who occupies the pulpit at Los Angeles 's Sinai Temple .. Douglas has also has emerged as a committed Jewish philanthropist, giving money to rebuild playgrounds in Israel - in both Arab and Jewish neighborhoods - and to a multimedia theater at a Jewish outreach organizationAish HaTorah's World Center in Jerusalem, where visitors learn about the history of the Western Wall.

Because Douglas married two non-Jewish women, none of his four sons is technically Jewish, nor were they taught any of the customs and traditions. While Douglas contends in his book that he is not bothered by the fact that his children aren't Jewish, saying he cares only that they do good in the world, in person he is more candid.

When I asked, sitting in his sprawling front parlor in front of an abstract Robert Rauschenberg painting that contains the word "kosher" in bold letters, whether he is truly remorseless about not having Jewish offspring, he back-pedaled. "That's half-correct" Douglas admitted. "You see in the entrance to my home that I have a mezuzah" he said, pointing to the front door. "In it, it says you should teach your children. I never did that."

But if his sons Peter, Michael and Joel do not practice his religion - Eric was eventually bar mitzvahed during a stint in rehab - "they are" he said, "acutely aware that their father is Jewish". Resting on a bookshelf, above a copy of Leon Uris's Holocaust tale,QB VII, prominently displayed in the inner sitting room, is an ornate menorah in violet, and peach-colored flower buds candleholders - a gift from Michael, on the occasion of his father's 90th birthday. "They've given me so many menorahs, I have to laugh," Douglas said referring to his children. (For his 86th birthday, he added," Michael had 86 trees planted in Israel " in his father's name.)

But it is Douglas 's German-born wife of 53 years, Anne, who may have given him the biggest Jewish-themed gift of all. On the occasion of their "second wedding," commemorating their 50th anniversary, Anne announced that she was converting.

Judaism may have even skipped a generation in the Douglas line. His 14-year-old granddaughter, Kelsey, decided without any prompting that she wanted to have a bat mitzvah. Douglas said that at first he wasn't convinced of her seriousness, thinking that she just wanted the extravagant party, but he was proved wrong. She studied hard to learn her Torah portion, he said, and now, even her 11-year-old brother, Tyler, is talking about having a bar mitzvah.

Douglas 's final book - his ninth in a slate that includes two novels - is dedicated to his seven grandchildren. He worries, he said, that they are poised to inherit an intractably troubled world.

"Let's face it, the world is in a mess," he said. "Horace Mann, a great educator, once said, ' Be ashamed to die before you do something for humanity,' and as I get older, I see how correct that is."

The writer, Rebecca Spence, is a staff reporter at the Forward.

The 2 Minute Haggadah Service

2009-03-28T10:33:00.027-04:00

A PASSOVER SERVICE FOR THE IMPATIENT....

(The infamous 2 MINUTE HAGGADAH)

Opening Prayer

Thanks, God, for creating wine. (Drink wine).

Thanks for creating produce. (Eat parsley).

Overview: Once we were slaves in Egypt. Now we are free. That's why we're doing this.

Four Questions:

1. What's up with the matzah?

2. What's the deal with the horseradish?

3. What's with the dipping of the herbs?

4. What's this whole slouching at the table business?

Four Answers:

1. When we left Egypt, we were in a hurry. There was no time for making decent bread.

2. Life was bitter, like horseradish.

3. It's called symbolism.

4. Free people get to slouch.

A funny story:

Once, these five rabbis talked all night, then it was morning. (Heat soup now.)

The four kinds of children and how to deal with them:

Wise Child--Explain Passover.

Simple child--Explain Passover slowly.

Silent child--Explain Passover loudly.

Wicked child--Browbeat in front of the relatives (not really-just give them "the look". They know who they are).

Speaking of children:

We hide some Matzah. We call it the "afikomen". Whoever finds it gets 5 bucks (or whatever you pick up in the $ store). Some people call it "the gift for sitting through the seder".

The story of Passover:

It's was a long time ago. We're slaves in Egypt. Pharaoh was a nightmare. We cry out for help. God brings plagues(really bad stuff) upon the Egyptians. We escape,& bake some matzah, then head for the desert. The Egyptians chase us. God parts the Red Sea. We make it through, the Egyptians aren't so lucky. We wander 40 years in the in the desert, eat manna, get the Torah, wind up in Israel, get a new temple, enjoy several years without being persecuted again. (Let brisket cool now.)

The 10 Plagues:

Blood, Frogs, Lice--you name it.

The singing of "Dayenu"(which means "enough").

If God had gotten us out of Egypt and not punished our enemies, it would've been enough. If He'd punished our enemies, and not parted the Red Sea, it would've been enough. If he'd parted the Red Sea-------ETC..... (Remove the gefilte fish from the refrigerator now.)

Eat Matzah, Drink more wine, Slouch.

Thanks again, God, for everything.

(Serve meal). Enjoy!!!!

If your child, grandchild or any little one is celebrating their "FIRST PASSOVER' - Think about getting our FIRST PASSOVER BIB from http://www.Names2u.com/catalog/index.php?cPath=67_157 That's my gift to you for sitting through the seder politely & the week of indigestion that follows :)

Sharon Blumenthal
The Present Pro

http:Names2u.com

Passover- You've got to love this.

2009-03-27T15:54:00.008-04:00

Everybody seems to be celebrating Passover this year of 5769.Will it help us? Certainly has merit if true. Seems everyone is getting into the Act.

THE RED SOX HOME OPENER, THIS YEAR, WILL BE POSTPONED FOR PASSOVER.
RED SOX GENERAL MANAGER - THEO EPSTEIN ANNOUNCED THAT THE BOSTON RED SOX HOME OPENER WILL BE POSTPONED TO APRIL 14TH... TO AVOID THE 8 DAYS OF THE PASSOVER HOLIDAY ...
HE NOTED, BECAUSE 3 OF HIS STARTERS WERE JEWISH AS WERE HIS BOX SEAT HOLDERS, HE WAS FORCED TO MAKE THIS CHANGE IN SCHEDULING.
THERE HAVE BEEN SEVERAL COMPLAINTS FROM FANS, WHO ARE ENRAGED AT EPSTEIN'S DECISION....

IN FACT, PROTESTS ARE BEING TENDERED TO THE COMMISSIONER OF BASEBALL'S OFFICE. HOWEVER, BUD SELIG - COMMISSIONER OF BASEBALL WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ADDRESS THESE PROTESTS; MAINLY DUE TO A SCHEDULING PROBLEM. THIS HAS BEEN CAUSED BY THE FAMILY SEDERS HE AND MRS SELIG WILL BE ATTENDING.
YES, THIS IS AN AMAZING COUNTRY. (I LOVE IT!)

ALSO, UNABLE TO ATTEND THE OPENER:
AL GORE AND TIPPER, HIS WIFE, WILL BE UNAVAILABLE AS THEY WILL ATTEND SEDER AT THEIR SON IN LAW'S HOME.

BILL AND HILARY CLINTON WILL BE ATTENDING THE SEDER AT THE HOME OF THEIR DAUGHTER CHELSEA 'S 'STEADY.'

IN ADDITION, EX MAYOR OF NYC, RUDY GUILIANI... WHOSE WIFE WILL BE BUSY PREPARING THEIR SEDER.

AND FINALLY THE OBAMAS MAY BE OUT OF TOWN ENJOYING A SEDER AT MICHELLE'S COUSIN'S HOUSE, THE RABBI CAPERS FUNNYE.

Capers C. Funnye Jr. (pronounced fun-AY; born c. 1952) is a Jewish African-American who is the head rabbi of his mostly African-American 200 membership

YES THIS IS AN AMAZING COUNTRY - YOU JUST HAVE TO LOVE IT !

Looking for some neat personalized items to take to your SEDER hostess?

Check out INITIALLY YOU TOO-personalized presents plus in Beachwood, Ohio or http:www.Names2u.com

Our New White House

2009-01-16T17:14:00.009-05:00

Our New White House

So far we have:

Rahm Emanuel - Chief of Staff - Jewish

David Axelrod - Senior Advisor to the President - Jewish

Ronald Klain - Chief of Staff to the Vice President of the United States - Jewish

Larry Summers - Economic Advisor to the President - Jewish

Paul Volcker - Economic Advisor to the President, Former Head of Fed Reserve - Jewish

Tim Geithner - Treasury Secetary - Jewish

Peter Orszag - Head of Budget - Jewish

Am I the only one noticing that Obama and Biden are not so much assembling staff, as gathering a minyan? - Smart Guys :)

The Western Wall

2009-01-09T19:06:00.006-05:00

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out.

She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?" "Morris Fishbien," he replied. "Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?" "For about 60 years." "60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all of our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a..... wall."

A joke..... maybe.....maybe not........

Original Birth Names of Jewish Performers

2008-12-27T13:10:00.001-05:00

The following list of Original Birth Names of Jewish Performers can start some amazing "bagelling" conversation. Here's just a few famous names to get you started...

Woody Allen --- Alan Stewart Koenigsberg

June Allyson --- Ella Geisman

Lauren Bacall --- Betty Joan Perske

Jack Benny --- Benjamin Kubelsky

Irving Berlin --- Israel Baline

Milton Berle --- Milton Berlinger

Joey Bishop ---Joseph Gottlieb

Karen Black --- Karen Blanche Ziegler

Victor Borge --- Borge Rosenbaum

Fanny Brice --- Fanny Borach

Mel Brooks --- Melvin Kaminsky

George Burns --- Nathan Birnbaum

Eddie Cantor --- Edward Israel Iskowitz

Jeff Chandler --- Ira Grossel

Lee J. Cobb --- Amos Jacob

Tony Curtis --- Bernard Schwartz

Rodney Dangerfield --- Jacob Cohen

Kirk Douglas --- Issue Danielovich Demsky

Melvyn Douglas --- Melvyn Hesselberg

Bob Dylan --- Bobby Zimmerman

Paulette Goddard --- Marion Levy

Lee Grant --- Lyova Geisman

Elliot Gould --- Elliot Goldstein

Judy Holliday --- Judith Tuvim

Al Jolson --- Asa Yoelson

Danny Kaye --- David Daniel Kaminsky

Michael Landon --- Michael Orowitz

Steve Lawrence --- Sidney Leibowitz

Jerry Lewis --- Joseph Levitch

Peter Lorre --- Lazlo Lowenstein

Elaine May --- Elaine Berlin

Yves Montand --- Ivo Levy

Mike Nichols --- Michael Peschkowsky

Joan Rivers --- Joan Molinsky

Edward G. Robinson -- Emanuel Goldenberg

Jane Seymour --- Joyce Penelope Frankenburg

Simone Signoret --- Simone-Henriette Kaminker

Beverly Sills --- Belle Silverman

Sophie Tucker --- Sophia Kalish

Gene Wilder --- Gerald Silberman

Now, I ask YOU to add some names you know to our list..... Feel free to comment & "bagel" away.

Sharon Blumenthal

"The Present Pro"

http://www.names2u.com/

How some Jews got their names....

2008-12-21T19:28:00.013-05:00

Here's some info on how Jews got their names....

Really interesting......................enjoy!
How Jews got their Names....

Other than aristocrats and wealthy people Jews did not get surnames in Eastern Europe until the Napoleon years of the early 19th century. Most of the Jews from countries captured by Napoleon, Russia, Poland,and Germany were ordered to get surnames for tax purposes. After Napoleon's defeat, many Jews dropped these names and returned to 'son of' names such as: MENDELSOHN, JACOBSON, LEVINSON,etc.

During the so called Emancipation, Jews were once more ordered to take surnames. In Austria The Emperor Joseph made Jews take last names in the late 1700s, Poland in 1821 and Russia in 1844. It's probable that some of our families have had last names for 175 years or less. In France and the Anglo Saxon countries surnames went back to the 16th century.

Also Sephardic Jews had surnames stretching back centuries... Spain prior to Ferdinand and Isabella was a golden spot for Jews. They were expelled by Isabella in the same year that Columbus left for America. The earliest American Jews were Sephardic.

In general there were five types of names (people had to pay for their choice of names; the poor had assigned names):

1-- Names that were descriptive of the head of household:Examples:HOCH (tall), KLEIN (small), COHEN (rabbi),BURGER (village dweller),SHEIN (good looking),LEVI (temple singer),GROSS (large), SCHWARTZ (dark or black), WEISS (white), KURTZ (short).

2 -- Names describing occupations:Examples:HOLTZ (wood), HOLTZKOCKER (wood chopper), GELTSCHMIDT (goldsmith), SCHNEIDER (tailor), KREIGSMAN (warrior), MALAMED (teacher), EISEN (iron),FISCHER (fish).

3-- Names from city of residence:Examples:BERLIN, FRANKFURTER, DANZIGER,OPPENHEIMER,DEUTSCH (German): POLLACK , BRESLAU ,MANNHEIM ,CRACOW ,WARSHAW (Polish).

4 -- Bought names:Examples:GLUCK (luck), ROSEN (roses), ROSENBLATT (rose paper or leaf),
ROSENBERG (rose mountain), ROTHMAN (red man), DIAMOND,KOENIG (king), KOENIGSBERG (king's mountain)], SPIELMAN (spiel is to play), LIEBER (lover), BERG (mountain), WASSERMAN (water dweller), KERSHENBLATT (church paper), STEIN (glass).

5-- Assigned names (usually undesirable):Examples:PLOTZ (to die), KLUTZ (clumsy), BILLIG (cheap), or DREK (sh*t).

So where did your name come from? Ask a relative. It opens up great conversations !!!

Sharon Blumenthal

"The Present Pro"

www.Names2u.com

What is Bagelling?

2008-11-29T08:52:00.003-05:00

"Bagelling" is basically a way that Jews have developed to "out" ourselves to other Jews.

"Bagelling" has been a "habit" of mine for years. "The Bagelling Habit", for me, is connecting with fellow Jews by a "sort of code" that identifies us. Most Jews seem to have a very strong need to connect with one another and identify their fellow Jews. The more our world becomes assimilated, the more I feel the need to connect with my "MOTs"- "members of the tribe". Therefore, I am always looking for ways to "bagel".

According to Jessica Levine Kupferberg, "there are two ways to bagel. The brave or simply unimaginative will tell you straight out that they are Jewish (a plain bagel). But the more creative will concoct subtler and even sublime ways to let you know that they, too, are in the know. (These bagels are often the best; like their doughy counterparts, cultural bagels are more flavorful when there is more to chew on.)"

I really think that Jews have been "bagelling" since the time of Abraham ( well before real bagels were even invented).

In college at Ohio State, I used to sit in the Student Union & pick out those I thought were Jewish & those who couldn't be (or could they)? You often need to speak with someone to really find out the "emmes" (truth). Start with a comment like, "Have you visited Hillel lately?" If they don't have a clue what Hillel is.... chances are they aren't an MOT.

So, tell me YOUR favorite "bagelling" story. Share. It's good for you:)